So I’m turning 22 soon. Things changed. I’m not quite the person I used to be. Everyone changes, but the person I am today is no longer a clay. I am more solid than I was before. For those who don’t exactly know about me, I am just a simple guy. I was bullied, became a bully, and now I’m none of those. Believe it or not, I was a jock. Yes I was a sports freak. Played most sports you could imagine and I once became the captain of the basketball team and the volleyball team. After high school I became a nerd. Then I went through things to discover my identity. To this moment, I have never done drugs, I don’t smoke, nor do I drink. Never had my first kiss and I have been single for 7 years now. I never exactly had a “real” girlfriend. Ever since I discovered love, I have been hurt by women. I don’t hold grudges. I simply stand back up and move on with my life because no one other than God can end my life. When I care about someone, I can be extremely generous. I always put others ahead of me. Sometimes I value them too much that I’d forget to value myself.
About 5 months ago, I decided to move to another city. Not many people know about it and they still think I’m in Chicago. I have decided to take a break from school for a semester or two in order to work full time and pay for my own school tuition. I usually work 6 days a week. At times I would work from 11am until 11pm or longer. I am financially independent. My father has never given me money since the day I was born and I don’t want to put anymore burden on my mother. I have not received any money from my mother for almost a year now. I have never thought this could be possible, but it is.
I love my mother to death. We might not have gotten along that well from a young age, but that was because she was always busy working to provide for her family. In the year 2000, she officially became a single parent. As the years passed by, my relationship with my mother grew stronger. I understood more on why she was absent in my life and I have learned to appreciate her more. She is the reason why I respect women despite of the fact that I have always been hurt by women. No women will ever be able to change my views on how women should be treated because my mother has taught and showed me well. It is not easy being my mother. She has five children. Her youngest child has autism and she takes good care of him.
I have gone through some deep and dark moments in my life, and once in a while I would have to endure it again. Although this time I am able to channel those deep feelings into writings. Yes, I write poetry to make me feel better and let my feelings out. Once in a while, I would rap and record songs. I do it for fun and no critic could ever stop me from doing it.
I don’t ask for much. I just want to be happy and see the important people in my life happy. I don’t need a mansion or a fancy car. I like the simple life. My ideal life is to fall in love with someone who appreciates me as much as I appreciate them. Someone who would never take me for granted and would always stick by me no matter what. I also would love to have kids. And last, but not least, I want to have a good and stable job. I don’t need to be extremely rich. I just want to make enough money to provide for my family.
Happy 21st Birthday to my little brother, Hansel ! You’re the same age as I am now ( even though it’s only for 4 days, it’s still pretty cool ). I know we don’t talk as much as we used to, but I hope you know that I’m proud of you for stepping up and taking my place in the family as I am going on an adventure of my own. Keep taking good care of mom and Herald in Indonesia. I know you’re capable of doing it. Remember when we used to fight over the computer back then? We stopped fighting ever since mom got me my own laptop as a graduation present. Haha. Thanks for always having my back. Thanks for always being tough as we both went through a lot of hard things together in our lives. I miss playing basketball and volleyball with you. We made a great team. I can’t wait to see you again. Keep up the good work bro. I’m proud of you! Love you always and God bless you abundantly!
Enough Of No Love (Cover) - Heynel
Recorded this 4 months ago. Never got the chance to upload it until now.
This is my little brother, Herald. Even though he was diagnosed with autism at the age of two, it did not stop him from being the greatest brother in the world. Herald may have difficulties communicating, but we are still able to connect and have fun together. Whenever I feel down, he would approach me, hold my chin up, and smile, showing me that there’s still a better future out there. Of course he did not say anything, but his gestures said everything.
Herald is just always there for me whenever I needed hope. My family and I never gave up on him either because there is still hope. He loves music! I once made him listen to a song so we could record it as a surprise for our mother’s birthday. After teaching him how to sing it the second time, I gave him the mic and started to record his voice. Keep in mind that he is they type of person that cannot sit still for a long time. After the first try, he got a bit frustrated and walked out. A few seconds later he came back, grabbed the mic and we started recording again. Herald never gives up! So why should we?
Herald is simply the greatest gift that God and my mother had ever given me. He taught me many things in life and made me a better person. I love him greatly, and I miss him very much. I was very proud when I saw a video of him solving a math problem for the first time in his life. He is showing a lot of improvements and he is trying his best.
I can’t wait to see him again in a year or two. For now, I wish him the very best, and I hope he will have a great birthday! Love you always bro! You truly are a blessing!
A great verse from the bible!
My “4 Letter Word” cover. Haven’t recorded or written anything in a while. I apologize for the broken mic also. Enjoy :)